Alive!

Well, I survived the surgery. It doesn't always feel like it, though.

Jason and I arrived at the hospital at 6 am on Thursday. I went in around 6:30 to get preped. At 7, Jason came back and we met with the anesthesiologist. He recommended an epidural to help with the pain after surgery. I was all for that! He got started shortly after that. I was up on the table, Jason sitting in front of me and then the worst pain I have felt in a long, long time! I remember crying about how much it hurt. I think I was leaning into the nurse and then nothing. The next thing I remember was being in my room after recovery and Jason was there. I really don't remember much of that either. The anesthesiologist said my reaction was normal and meant that the drugs were working. Both doctors said everything went well. All in all, a success!

Jason and Adriaan have been doing a great job taking care of things around the house. The kids look good too. I'm pleased by how everyone has worked together. It's helped with my healing.

I've got pain meds, anti-nausea meds, and an antibiotic to take for the next week. There are drainage bags that Jason helps me with. I won't get into too much details, but I really feel icky and hate that I have to have Jason help me. He's been wonderful though. He's definitely outside his comfort zone, but is my hero for all he's doing.

The kids have adjusted as well as can be expected. The girls understand they can't hug me, but we have been able to spend a little time together. Hayden is leaving me alone altogether. He seems to know that I'm not able to hold him and be with him the way I did before. It's hard to see him like that, but it's for the best. We had a nice night last night watching A Charlie Brown Christmas. I hope to have more of those as I heal.

Twelve Hours and counting

I have just over twelve hours before my surgery. I wrote out this list of things to do on Sunday and have crossed off so little of it. I feel unprepared and anxious about tomorrow. Hayden has an ear infection and has been running a fever off and on since Saturday afternoon. He spent most of the day in my arms. It was nice to cuddle with him knowing that I won't be able to for a while. While I wish that I could have gotten more done, clearly, my time was needed elsewhere.

The girls are almost ready for bed, homework is done, clothes will be put out and backpacks ready for tomorrow. I won't be able to get them to school like I usually do. My father-in-law, Adriaan will be doing that. Adriaan and my mom will be in charge of Hayden. I hope he'll be okay.

Jason will take me to the hospital and stay with me until I'm wheeled away. He should be back before the surgery is over and will stay with me in recovery. I still have to make a list of people he needs to email or call when it's over. Thanks to those that will help spread the word for him!

Well, I need to get the kids ready for bed. I have another hour to get some hugs and kisses in before tomorrow. Wish us luck. I really, really need it...

Yippee, Skippee, Hooray...hmm...

I had an exciting fun=filled morning visiting doctors and hospitals today.

First up, I had an ultrasound to see if my tumor shrunk. For those of you who have had ultrasounds while pregnant, you know they do a lot of measurements. This is no different. They move the Doppler around to get the best views and click to get sizes. That's how it has always been for me, except today. The technician can't comment on what they see, only the doctor can. So, my technician moves the Doppler around for about 5 minutes then says the doctor will be in to take a look. Carol, the nurse that counsels patients, came in and I told her "no measurements." We talked for a few more minutes and then the doctor came in and did her thing. She said that there wasn't anything to measure. Yep, that's right, the tumor is nearly gone! She could see the clip that was put in during the needle biopsy to show the place of the tumor, but there wasn't any measurable tumor there. She could see a little spot that was probably remnants, but that was it. How cool is that?!

Now, don't get too excited. This doesn't change anything as far as treatment or surgery. All it means is that chemo and herceptin have/are working. I almost didn't get this done, but I told my oncologist that I needed to have concrete numbers to make myself feel good. And you know what, I feel GREAT!!!

Next was the pre-surgical consult with my surgeon. Everything is still on for 12/4. Surgery is at 7:30 am central time, so be sure to send good karma, energy, prayers, well wishes, etc. my way that day. I'm going to need them. Surgery is about 5 hours with recovery 3-5 days in the hospital. And there will be a lot of pain. I love a doctor that tells it to you straight. No sugar coating here. Luckily, I will also get a lot of "dope" to quote my surgeon. I don't like that to much either, but it's got to be better than pain.

Lastly, I had an echo cardiogram. The herceptin can cause heart problems, so I'll be monitored over the next several months while I'm on that. While they did the echo, the technician asked if I noticed the skipped heart beats. I did. She wanted me to mention this to my oncologist and they would probably do an EKG. After she was done, she suggested calling the doctor and see if they wanted it done now, since I was already at the hospital. They did and so I had that done too. I'll get the results next week. I was told not to worry too much about the skipped beats. A lot of people have them and I may have always had it and not ever had a problem. I think she called them PVS. If you know about this, email me.

So, all in all, I'm doing great. We are going to enjoy this cold front coming through this weekend. Sunday, we all head to the Renaissance Festival 45 minutes north of here. It's the biggest one in Texas and we do big well. It's always fun. I'll post pictures when we get back.

Reflections

Well, the last few days have been full of ups and downs. First, we left Dallas on Sunday afternoon to be home should Hurricane Gustav hit. We were very fortunate. All we had was a little wind and sprinkles. The girls started their second week of school without any problems. Anna was the first star of the week in her class and Sydney was line leader all week. Hayden has been doing great with his processor. Life is good.

Then I met with the first of 2 plastic surgeons. I met one on Wednesday and the other today. While they each had different thoughts and opinions on my options for reconstruction, both had similar time tables. It looks like I won't be through with this awful situation as soon as I hoped. With radiation still an unknown, but likely, my reconstruction probably won't happen until towards the end of 2009. I'm at least a year away. So, my mood and spirits are a little down right now. I'm not feeling too good about the next year, but I know it will past and I'll go back to my usual good spirited self. Right now, though, I'm taking a little self-indulgence and allowing myself to be blue. And to back me up, my dad says its okay. Thanks, DAD!

I watched the Stand Up To Cancer program tonight on ABC, NBC, and CBS. I hope they raise a lot of money to fight cancer. I know most everyone reading this right now, besides knowing me, knows someone that has been affected by cancer. I have a hard time counting all the family that I loved and lost to many types of cancer. While I watched with my sweet Anna, I was encouraged to think that she, or her siblings or cousins, may find a cure so that future generations don't have to go through this. Please go to http://su2c.standup2cancer.org/ to find out more.